Relationship Mediation

Relationship mediation is a form of counseling. An impartial outside person (me) listens to the views and experiences of each party and helps them identify their feelings and needs. With this knowledge, the parties can develop strategies to meet their needs in ways that feel mutually beneficial and sustainable.

We focus on the underlying needs rather than the problems that are the result of those needs not being met in order to find longer lasting solutions that actually work.

What kind of relationships?

Any people in relationship with each other. Those who seek guidance are most commonly two people in a romantic partnership, though they could also be:

  • Parent and child (age 16 or older)

  • Siblings

  • Business partners

  • Friends

A couple could also be expanded to include more people, such as a family (parent/s plus a child/children), siblings, a larger business group, or a polycule (more than two people in romantic partnership).

“This is a radically different approach to relationship challenges. Instead of revisiting the past, we focus on present needs so that you can move forward together joyfully.

And best of all, I’ll teach you the skills to work these things out together in the future, so you hopefully don’t reach an impasse or crisis point again.”
— Rebo Hassell

The Process

  1. Complementary Intro session: a joint session with all parties present in which you tell me what you hope to accomplish, and I’ll tell you what I can do. If it seems like a good fit, I'll outline the next steps, and we will set up future sessions.

  2. Individual conflict coaching: a solo session with each party to learn more about the relationship’s challenges, to identify needs, and to help that person give and receive empathy. There could be one or more of these sessions.

  3. Mediation: a joint session in which all parties have opportunities to talk about their needs, learn about the other party's needs, and reflect what they’ve heard. The goal is clarity and mutual understanding. There could be one or more of these sessions.

  4. Problem solving: By understanding each other's needs, the parties can now develop strategies for getting those needs met in ways that are mutually beneficial.

  5. Commitment: Formally confirm and commit to the agreements that have emerged from the process.

  6. Follow-up: Check in with what agreements are working and what needs to be adjusted. This also acts as a kind of accountability session to help motivate the parties to put into action what they agreed upon.

Depending on the nature and depth of the conflict, this process can typically takes between two and twelve hours, though it can take more. That time is divided into sessions that last between 1 and 1.5 hours.

It is more efficient than couples counseling and empowers the parties to mediate for themselves in the future, by communicating better and more directly, uncovering their own unmet needs, and developing strategies together.